


You Are Enough

by hannahindie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Gen, Reader Insert, Sam Winchester - Freeform, So much angst, Supernatural - Freeform, spn fanfic, supernatural fanfiction - Freeform, trials!sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 18:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17085077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahindie/pseuds/hannahindie





	You Are Enough

There are very few times that I have regretted listening to Dean Winchester. I can count them on one hand, but out of those rare instances, this was the one that I regretted the most.

I don’t blame him for what happened though, not really. And honestly, it’s rare for me to listen when he tells me what to do, so I think it shocked us both when he told me to stay put and I actually listened. If someone were to ask me why I did the opposite of my normal behavior, I don’t know that I would have a good answer. I hate to admit to being scared, at least scared enough to abandon the person that probably cares for me most in this world, but I couldn’t watch it. I couldn’t watch him sacrifice himself for a world that didn’t even know he was doing it for them. 

It’s a lame excuse, I admit. I’ve lost a lot, who hasn’t, but Sam is different. He saved me, and even though he ended up bringing me into a world of violence and monsters, I was more at ease here than I had been before. I guess not wanting to see him sacrifice himself for people who didn’t even know the world was ending was hypocritical; I would do the same thing. It didn’t make it any better, though.

Have you ever gotten this feeling in your gut? You’re sitting in silence, or maybe the television is on, and it’s set at a low murmur. You’re alone, and no one says a word, but you just _know_. Your insides scream at you to call that person, or go somewhere, and you don’t know why, but it’s like your brain just won’t _shut up_ until you do it. You try to ignore it, you push it to the back of your mind, shove it down as far as you can, but there’s this nagging feeling. Claws that pick and prod and dig holes, and a quiet voice that whispers into the cracks all the things that will go wrong if you don’t _move._

I tried to call Sam first, even though I knew it was probably useless. It went straight to voicemail, and despite the ice cold fear that was freezing my insides, that dark voice shifting from a whisper to an ear piercing scream that Sam _never_ lets his phone die, _never_ turns it off, I took a deep breath and called Dean. No answer.

So I drove.

I drove faster than I’ve ever dreamt of, channeling Dean as I flew along back roads and ran stoplights and prayed to whoever was listening that I not get pulled over, that Sam’s life depended on it, that _my_ life depended on it. I pressed pedal to metal so hard that I was sure something would break, but it endured. The church came into view, dull in the darkness save for a few lights glowing through the windows. The sheen of headlights off smooth black made me slam my brakes as I swung recklessly into the parking lot, narrowing avoiding the tail end of the Impala.

The night was oddly quiet; nothing stirred, no owls or frogs or crickets…just silence. It felt heavy, like too much electricity was dancing just along the edge and waiting to shock you. I stopped in front of the rough, wooden door leading into the abandoned church, my heart racing. Dean had told me to stay back for a reason. I almost listened, I _would have_ , but Dean’s strangled voice caught my attention as I stood by the door.

“Sam…hey Sammy…”

“Dean?” Sam’s voice was low, but the sadness in it was deafening. He sounded so defeated, and so alone…and I realized I would never forgive myself for letting him do this.

_“Easy there, okay? Just take it easy. We got a slight change of plan.”_

_“What? What’s going on? Where’s Cas?!_ Where’s Y/N?”

“I told Y/N to stay back so she’d be safe, okay? She’s okay. _But Metatron lied. You finish this trial, you’re dead, Sam._ ”

“ _So?_ ” One word. One word is all it took for me to realize how little Sam thought of himself. Looking back, I should have known, should have seen the signs. Hell, the trials themselves should have been enough, and still, I managed to completely miss it. _So_ …the pain of that small word, that tiniest of syllables.

“How can you even say that? Huh? You can’t believe that dying for this is even worth it!” Dean sounded desperate; despite his go get ‘em attitude and joking sarcasm, his self hatred was through the roof. His whole life revolved around making sure Sam was okay, and I could tell this sudden realization had also thrown him off. I put my hand on the door, but forced myself to wait.

_“Look at him. Look at him! Look how close we are! Other people will die if I don’t finish this!”_

_“Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But I can’t do it without you.”_

I closed my eyes and tried to force back the tears, but it was useless. My heart was breaking; to know Sam and Dean was to know how much they meant to each other. But to hear Dean begging…it was too much.

_“You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone,_

_remember?”_

_“Come on, man, that’s not what I meant.”_

_“No, it’s exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down,_ let Y/N down. _I can’t do that again.”_

_“Sam-”_

I slammed the door open, interrupting whatever it was that Dean was getting ready to say. He looked over at me in surprise but I kept my eyes on Sam. Tears began to roll down his cheeks and it took everything I had not to run to him. My eyes dropped down to the knife in his hand, then locked with his. “Sam…”

_“What happens when you’ve decided I can’t be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another – another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother_ and your best friend just-”

_“Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it – none of it – is true. Listen, man, I know we’ve had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I’ve said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy…come on.”_

I took a step forward, my eyes never leaving his face, “Look at me, Sam.” His eyes flicked towards me, but quickly turned back to Dean. “Please, look at me.” He looked back, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. I could feel my own burning as I took another step towards him. “You have never let me down, not once. If anything, I let _you_ down. You are enough and you always have been. I trust you. I trust you with my life, and all I’ve ever wanted was to help you. I  know that I haven’t always made the best decisions to ensure that…but I love you, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He swallowed thickly and I could see his grip on the knife get tighter. His eyes shifted towards Crowley again and Dean took a step forward. _“I killed Benny to save you. I’m willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I’m begging you._ ”

As Dean talked, I walked forward and gently grabbed Sam’s free hand. I eased the knife out of his other hand and looked up at him, and realized just how far gone he had gotten. This was Dean and I’s fault; we should have noticed, should have trusted him. Instead, we let him nearly kill himself.

He looked down at me, his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks sunken, “ _How do I stop_?” He squeezed his hand and fresh blood dripped, the orange glow from the cut glowing brighter before it started to fade again.

“ _Just let it go.”_ Dean moved closer, and I gripped Sam’s hand tighter.

Sam grimaced as he choked back a sob, “ _I can’t. It’s – it’s in me, Dean. You don’t know what this feels like._ ”

Dean pulled a bandana from his back pocket and held it out to me, then reached out to him as I wrapped it tightly around the still bleeding cut. “ _Hey, listen, we will figure it out, okay? Just like we always do. Come on._ ” He pulled him into a tight embrace and I relinquished my hold on his hand; Dean was what he needed right now, not me. “ _Come on. Let it go, okay? Let it go, brother._ ” The orange glow flared again, almost blindingly, then began to fade again.

Sam pulled away from Dean and looked down as the glow slowly burned out, “ _Hey, Dean._ ” He looked back up, a smile teasing the corner of his mouth.

Dean nodded, “ _See?_ What’d I tell you, huh?” Sam nodded, but before he could say anything else, he doubled over, his features twisted in pain and his mouth opened in a silent scream. “Sam? Come on, we gotta go.” I raced ahead and threw the door open and Dean dragged Sam out after me. “ _I got you, little brother. You’re gonna be just fine._ ”

The air felt like static, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I looked around. I could feel it, this dark feeling in the pit of my stomach. A flash caught my eye and I looked up at the sky just in time to see another flash, like a star exploding. “Dean…something is wrong.”

“You don’t fucking say!” Sam collapsed on the ground next to the Impala, and Dean grasped his shoulders. “ _Sam? Sam?_ ” He looked upward, the fear evident on his face. “ _Cas?!_ ”

Sam grabbed at Dean’s jacket, his eyes wide. “I can’t…I can’t breathe, Dean,” he wheezed.

“It’s okay, it’ll be okay. _Cas, where the hell are you_?!”

I looked back up and watched as the flashes became streaks. It would have been beautiful if I hadn’t realized what I was seeing. “Oh my God…”

“What… _what’s happening_?” Sam gasped out, and for a moment, I couldn’t answer. I watched as light after light streaked across the black sky, then plummeted to earth.

“It’s the angels…they’re falling.”


End file.
